responding to input and a wikipedia link about libido crashes, lack of vaginal lubrication, increase in the frequency of painful intercourse and problems achieving orgasm...
... clearly much practice is needed, right?
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in our culture, i suspect that as real as those things *are* for some people, i wouldn't be surprised if part of the issue is focusing on those things as our expectations, and then they become our reality. not to suggest that those things can't or don't happen to some people some of the time, yet it's sad to me that we seem to *expect* some things in life to suck. to a large extent, with our thoughts, we make our world.
not that life or menopause is all about sex, but looking at that aspect a little... isn't there also the cliché that some women become MORE interested in sex as they age? thus, the older women/younger guy situations that comes up here and there. as true as the negative aspects can be for some people, wouldn't it be cool if our reference materials listed those things more as a sometimes thing WITH positive aspects as the focus?
What we expect does not always become reality. Remember all the things you expected about life when you were a kid? How many of them became reality?
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a book called "Kissing The Hag". It's slow going for me. It appears to be about how Western society basically presumes that women are unacceptable in our biological nature. If we hide our periods as if they are shameful and presume that menopause is an illness to be treated, we are agreeing that our bodies are unacceptable in this manner. But, of course, we have to have perky boobs, too! Schizophrenic, dontcha' know.
Less than a month ago, I had a hysterectomy, because I could not deal with the messy changes I was having in my periods due to uterine fibroids, (here's the important part, don't miss it), *and still function PROPERLY*. What is proper in this situation, do you suppose? I'll tell you. I'm supposed to pretend it's not happening, so thoroughly so, that I had to get surgery to make it not happen, because it was so damn big, I couldn't cover it up anymore.
Womens biology is shameful in our world.
Apparently, I will still go through the rest of menopause, just without a uterus.
I'm glad you're doing this blog.
very true that what we expect does not always become reality ~ some of the good expectations haven't worked out. and yet i'm hoping that can work in our *favor* in the area of menopause ~ that the common expectation that menopause will suck will NOT pan out to be true.
ReplyDeletealthough reality happens often in spite of what we expect, sometimes i think that our expectations can significantly shape reality. i'm hoping that by refusing to buy into the common perception that menopause will suck, we might create personal experiences of our menopause season of life NOT sucking. here's hoping and trying for that!
yet that said, beyond just me/us, i'm a bit baffled about how to create a paradigm shift, except person by person by person embracing this season of life so that people around us can begin to see it as a time of joy and growth. i can't pretend sucky parts don't or won't exist. yet i won't pretend the sucky parts are more representative of menopause than the positive things. (let's hope life doesn't prove me wrong!)
as challenging aspects hit, i hope i can retain a perspective of those things being a natural part of the growing pains for the good directions, and re-awakenings.
meanwhile though... i'm sorry. and i'm sad that as a generality, people often behave as if both getting our periods and loss of our periods is a shameful illness to treat. i'm wondering what it would look like if the popular perception was that both are natural and beautiful seasons of life. and i'm lost for specifics... what *would* that look like?
a beautiful rite of passage ceremony? public acceptance and support if some red bleeds through our clothing during heavy periods? a smile and an offer of a towel, a bathroom, or other assistance to enable us to wash up as needed, without any implications that the need to wash means our periods are "dirty" shameful things?
is there anything that may have helped you feel comfortable in having periods be big, so it wouldn't be something you needed to make not happen? and/or is there anything that may have enabled you to feel more supported in your hysterectomy? anything that may enable you to feel acceptance and support, instead of shame, for the rest of your menopause journey?
you have company.