the simplest questions aren't

Seasons of our lives...

so... i love helping people to write resumés. so today, on a whim, i made an offer to the teenagers in my life...

"to the teenagers in my life... if you need a resumé, i'm happy to help. for free. resumé-writing is a passion of mine. i *love* figuring out who you are, what you love, how that shows up in your life, how those things translate to marketable-for-money skills, and how to share that with potential employers. past job experience or not, we can resumé you outside the box. (if you want inside the box, i'm not your girl)."  and i shared some questions that might spark ideas for their resumés.

and then i realized that in this season of life, i'm asking myself similar questions ~ not in relation to just work, but in the context of life, which also includes work. and i'm noticing that some of my answers are different for me now than in the past. and although i expect my self and my life to shift and change and grow, i hadn't noticed *how* different some of my answers are  now. one little shift, here and there, now and then may not seem like much. yet a few years of pondering a LOT, but not necessarily about *those* questions has me feeling a little surprised at how much some of my answers have changed.

so on paper or in my head, i think i'll ponder with the people who take me up on my offer... on my own, going through the steps i'm suggesting for them. the answers matter to me, and not just for resumés. i'm curious to find out where my choices and journey so far have taken me. and curious to see how my current answers will shape my plans, paths, and flight into this new season of my life.

and life is busy, and people need us, and there's never enough time. and that's not reason enough for me to not ask myself those questions again, in this new season of life. to see how my answers have changed. to glimpse and shape the new me that is blooming.

choosing paths, journeys, flights?

so i'm sharing the resumé preparation questions below, in case they might enable anyone here to see your self and/or the new blooms of the women you love as they reconsider life paths and fly into this season of their lives.

NOT exclusively in the context of work, but in the context of LIFE, which might include work:

• identify and list things you love to do and WHY. go deep.

i.e. if you love computer programming, that's not deep enough for what i'm looking for. WHY do you love it? is it truly about enjoying anything to do with a computer? is it about the challenge of solving a puzzle? is it about loving the opportunity to blend math and computer knowledge? is it about the problem solving to hear what someone wants their computer to do, and the challenge and fun of making that happen? is it an area that validates your wish or need to feel smart?

  

if you love fishing, WHY? is it about the chance to be outdoors? is it the challenge? is it a sense of pride that you have the patience and skills to make the catch? is it that you LOVE fresh fish? is it about the opportunity to blend your knowledge of fish, water, the outdoors, ecology, and mountain man/woman traits? is it about the satisfaction of being able to be somewhat self-sufficient? is it about the head-space and mind-space that you go to when you're outdoors fishing? is it about solitude? or about comaraderie with fishing friends? WHAT is it?

  

in the context of work/volunteering:

• identify jobs and volunteering that you loved. and do the why.
• identify jobs and volunteering that you disliked. identify why.  

NOT exclusively in the context of work, but in the context of LIFE, which might include work:

• identify things about yourself that you really like (things you do AND personal qualities)
• identify things you've done that you are proud of

do not even TRY to second-guess yourself for any of the questions, or figure that anything isn't applicable or "good enough". EVERYTHING you like and EVERYTHING you are proud of IS applicable! you are not allowed to rule out ANYthing that comes to mind.

  

as an extreme ridiculous example, i love to poop. that would be on my list, no matter the fact that i have no intention of pooping for a job. (as if there's a job for that anyway.) i value reasonableness and am proud that i try to live it. i don't get to argue myself out of listing it because i might not be reasonable often or consistently "enough". it's stream of consciousness... whatever comes to mind, with no advance deletions allowed.

then... if you were to die tomorrow, and if there was a celebration of your life, what would you hope your friends would say about you?  what would you hope your immediate family would say about you? what would you hope your relatives would say about you? and if you have had any, what would you hope your co-workers and volunteer peers would say about you?

it wouldn't hurt to also google some lists of core values and identify 5-10 core values that resonate most for you.

and if you've gone that far... who IS this person? how is she the same as you in the past? how is she different? what will she dream, and how will you help her dreams to come true? how will you get to know her better, and hug-embrace-welcome-honor her into this new season of your life...?


The simplest questions are the most profound. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing? Think about these once in a while and watch your answers change. ~ richard bach

who AM i?!

so... i'm feeling a strong desire to calendar-ize all my clients' birthdays so i can happy-birthday them. *me*. me who forgets everyone's birthdays and doesn't much care about that. who *is* this alien person in my body?! 

this is going to be quite the adventure!

insomnia

i could do without the insomnia though. silver lining: i have three hours of tomorrow's work done as of this moment. head start, woot!

sometimes it's all about perspective...?

boobs?!

and who knew that boobs grew again?! 

(just a little, but i thought i was done, and this happens *after* i found fine-ness about being small, and liking things that way? strange and ironic life-ness.)

hot flashes and ponders!

and i LOVE being warm! hot flashes rock ~ instant sauna awesome sensations without having to go anywhere and pay for a sauna!

and i love that ponders are going to new places and deeper peace. mostly.

(but i expect that to be an up and down and sideways and diagonal thing. and circles! don't forget circles!)

what i *wish* wikipedia and other sources said about menopause:

contrary to popular belief, for many women, menopause is a time where, their libido isn't affected negatively and may actually increase. 

overall, there's often a deeper sense of self. they are more likely to have or to make the luxury of more time to themselves, since kids are often out of the house, or being more self sufficient. there's a natural flow to turn inward and think about life, reassess who they are, and set new life and personal goals. with the benefit of time behind them, they have a broader perspective about previous goals and this season of life often brings an internal desire to reassess whether those goals fed their souls, or provided necessary food and shelter for their families, or both. at this point in their lives, when they are "needed" less in many ways, they often reconsider whether the paths they cleared are paths they still want to travel, or if it may be time to clear new paths in different directions.

whether some paths were previously not chosen due to other paths being necessary, lack of time, or lack of awareness that other options existed, and/or lack of confidence to travel paths that strayed from the norm, this season of life often brings a renewed sense of self and confidence and *self* permission to choose paths that indulge more of their curiosity, self acceptance, daring, exploration, fun, and adventure. they have the benefit of time and a history of life experiences behind them; with age there may be fewer external pressures to impress, conform, and put others first, and those factors may create more comfort and willingness to choose paths less travelled in many aspects of life, including their bedrooms and sexuality.

this may be a time where women can think about what they know about themselves, the people they love, and life in general, and what they *don't* know. they're well past the years where sex and fellatio was new and terrifying (how *do* you do that?! what's the "right" way? should i swallow? will it taste nasty? why would anyone *want* to do this? i must look ridiculous?! is there a trick to this? will he think i'm a slut if i do this? will he think i'm a prude if i don't?).

they may have been pregnant, and had doctors poking and peeking into places they never wanted poked or peeked. and perhaps they had babies with poop, pee, barf, and projectile vomiting. and more poking and peeking and sleepless nites than they can count. they may have experienced sheer panic when a child went missing for a moment (playing or not); they may have had their heart stop when their child got hurt ~ physically or emotionally; they may have grown a willingness to die for a life that isn't their own, and sometimes those experiences gift them with a life and freedom beyond what they thought possible. they probably experienced illness and death of loved ones, and the shadows those losses leave in your soul, even while the night skies birthed some new star-souls. 

gradually, parenting and life and death experiences may have brought a perspective that the things that terrified them in the past are minor details in the now. with that shift, aspects of sex and life that previously may have felt terrifying and vulnerable might now seem like no-big-deal. 

they might feel a sense of freedom at having lived a life, "well" or not, and seeing that some bad things happened (by them and to them) and the world didn't end. there's experience to back up the cliché that things really CAN get better. and there's often less fear about what might happen if something goes wrong. they've been wrong before, as we all have; probably a lot. and the world didn't stop spinning and life, including joy, still happened before, during, and after the bad times and the wrong times.

sexually, they might masturbate for the first time ever and realize that sex with themselves is not the taboo it had been made out to be and they might want to get to know that lover. they might choose different sexual paths with others, whether it's bisexuality or sex that isn't missionary. they might decide to receive or give oral sex or swallow if they hadn't before. there may be a sense of truth and belief that there are so many things more terrifying than a penis; and so many questions more vulnerable than whether or not they swallow; and so many more important things than concern about whether someone will consider them to be a slut or a prude or a combination, or neither, or something else entirely. 

and with those years and experiences and more time in this season of life to ponder and re-assess things, confidence, esteem, self, and centered-ness grow. and freedom takes wings and flies them.  

and oh yea.... for some women, the journey may include some physical changes and discomforts, but drug stores sell lubricants, and hot tubs do wonders for backaches and while some women find it harder to have an orgasm, there's more time to practice and possibly less awkwardness and shame at this stage of life; and meanwhile, other women may find this time in life to be the first time they have an orgasm, or multiple orgasms. who knew?!

and sometimes, what we think we should expect is what we expect and experience. so be careful what we let ourselves expect. 

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me...? i'm expecting my wings to grow even bigger.

what we expect ~ does that become real?

responding to input and a wikipedia link about libido crashes, lack of vaginal lubrication, increase in the frequency of painful intercourse and problems achieving orgasm...

... clearly much practice is needed, right?

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in our culture, i suspect that as real as those things *are* for some people, i wouldn't be surprised if part of the issue is focusing on those things as our expectations, and then they become our reality. not to suggest that those things can't or don't happen to some people some of the time, yet it's sad to me that we seem to *expect* some things in life to suck. to a large extent, with our thoughts, we make our world.

not that life or menopause is all about sex, but looking at that aspect a little... isn't there also the cliché that some women become MORE interested in sex as they age? thus, the older women/younger guy situations that comes up here and there. as true as the negative aspects can be for some people, wouldn't it be cool if our reference materials listed those things more as a sometimes thing WITH positive aspects as the focus?

a good part ~ free birth control!

and whoa! for anyone hesitant about menopause... a friend just shared this awesome-ness: "and just think, if you didn't have it covered already, you'll get free birth control at no added charge!" 

so... rocking menopause even more now. cause that's how i fly! 

(still... backup contraception might be a good plan!)

chicken and egg?

and maybe it's a chicken/egg thing...? 

time and life can enable us to grow more comfort in our skin and that will change our menopause (and all other) life experiences for the better.  and a lack of comfort in our skins, and cliché negative expectations about how much menopause will suck might influence what our hormones do. 

i say this with no biological facts to back me up whatsoever. just optimism. but sometimes i think optimism trumps tangible hormones. hands down; wings up and open. ;)

Why I started this blog...

so... i'm in menopause! or i'm having menopause! or i'm going through menopause! whatever way is more correct to say it, i've heard so much about it, and know so little about it. so in trying to be proactive about what to expect, i skimmed some books and websites and mostly find information about physiology, hormone replacement therapy pros and cons, body changes, mood swings, craziness, sex changes, and other topics that almost always focus on the negative. if the information is not outright negative, then it's about how i can minimize the negative things that will inevitably happen to me now.

i don't think menopause knows who it's dealing with here. i so rarely come from a perspective of how to minimize the negative. so i dug *more* for good things.  with the exception of a few good nuggets, most of the positive information i found online was about the end of some negative aspects of having periods, i.e. menopause means no more periods, a new excuse for being bitchy, a time when i can wear white pants with no worries, a time when i'll save money from not needing to buy period supplies anymore, the end of monthly cramps, and a time when people can't say i'm crying and yelling because i'm on the rag anymore. and i found myself thinking... these aspects are the *good* parts...? that's it!? really...? 

and all of that is contrary to how i'm actually feeling. i'm feeling warmer, happier, more alive, more calm yet more intense, more centered, and more vivid. i feel like a different doorway to my self has opened and it's inviting me to walk through it to discover new things, as well as old things i always knew and let myself forget.

so... i googled more to see if i'd just missed the sites with good info. and i did find an article here or there, or input to menopause questions with a sentence or three that echoed the few good nuggets i'd found in my initial search ~ i might become less tolerant but in a good way; i might become more sensitive to things that matter; i might have more time for me and become more self assured; i might find inner strength.

and those are the things i was hoping to find; those are the intense, vivid, and empowering things i am beginning to feel. those feelings are soo much bigger than any of the negative aspects that may happen to me yet. and i was happy to find a few friends who shared similar good experiences. so i don't believe i'm alone in this reawakening. yet maybe people are too busy living their awakenings to take the time to share the journey? or maybe i haven't found their writings yet.

so... perhaps i'll share my journey for as long as i feel like doing so, with a huge focus on the positive. and maybe a blog is a way to do that, with invitations for others to share their positive menopause thoughts, feelings, and journeys as they wish. and maybe it becomes a collective journal so that other women might discover some amazing aspects of menopause to look forward to. and maybe that helps to offset the rivers of negative information they'll encounter. 

i'm going to rock menopause! cause that's how i fly. with our thoughts, we might make our world. with our friends, we might shape our flight.