contrary to popular belief, for many women, menopause is a time where, their libido isn't affected negatively and may actually increase.
overall, there's often a deeper sense of self. they are more likely to have or to make the luxury of more time to themselves, since kids are often out of the house, or being more self sufficient. there's a natural flow to turn inward and think about life, reassess who they are, and set new life and personal goals. with the benefit of time behind them, they have a broader perspective about previous goals and this season of life often brings an internal desire to reassess whether those goals fed their souls, or provided necessary food and shelter for their families, or both. at this point in their lives, when they are "needed" less in many ways, they often reconsider whether the paths they cleared are paths they still want to travel, or if it may be time to clear new paths in different directions.
whether some paths were previously not chosen due to other paths being necessary, lack of time, or lack of awareness that other options existed, and/or lack of confidence to travel paths that strayed from the norm, this season of life often brings a renewed sense of self and confidence and *self* permission to choose paths that indulge more of their curiosity, self acceptance, daring, exploration, fun, and adventure. they have the benefit of time and a history of life experiences behind them; with age there may be fewer external pressures to impress, conform, and put others first, and those factors may create more comfort and willingness to choose paths less travelled in many aspects of life, including their bedrooms and sexuality.
this may be a time where women can think about what they know about themselves, the people they love, and life in general, and what they *don't* know. they're well past the years where sex and fellatio was new and terrifying (how *do* you do that?! what's the "right" way? should i swallow? will it taste nasty? why would anyone *want* to do this? i must look ridiculous?! is there a trick to this? will he think i'm a slut if i do this? will he think i'm a prude if i don't?).
they may have been pregnant, and had doctors poking and peeking into places they never wanted poked or peeked. and perhaps they had babies with poop, pee, barf, and projectile vomiting. and more poking and peeking and sleepless nites than they can count. they may have experienced sheer panic when a child went missing for a moment (playing or not); they may have had their heart stop when their child got hurt ~ physically or emotionally; they may have grown a willingness to die for a life that isn't their own, and sometimes those experiences gift them with a life and freedom beyond what they thought possible. they probably experienced illness and death of loved ones, and the shadows those losses leave in your soul, even while the night skies birthed some new star-souls.
gradually, parenting and life and death experiences may have brought a perspective that the things that terrified them in the past are minor details in the now. with that shift, aspects of sex and life that previously may have felt terrifying and vulnerable might now seem like no-big-deal.
they might feel a sense of freedom at having lived a life, "well" or not, and seeing that some bad things happened (by them and to them) and the world didn't end. there's experience to back up the cliché that things really CAN get better. and there's often less fear about what might happen if something goes wrong. they've been wrong before, as we all have; probably a lot. and the world didn't stop spinning and life, including joy, still happened before, during, and after the bad times and the wrong times.
sexually, they might masturbate for the first time ever and realize that sex with themselves is not the taboo it had been made out to be and they might want to get to know that lover. they might choose different sexual paths with others, whether it's bisexuality or sex that isn't missionary. they might decide to receive or give oral sex or swallow if they hadn't before. there may be a sense of truth and belief that there are so many things more terrifying than a penis; and so many questions more vulnerable than whether or not they swallow; and so many more important things than concern about whether someone will consider them to be a slut or a prude or a combination, or neither, or something else entirely.
and with those years and experiences and more time in this season of life to ponder and re-assess things, confidence, esteem, self, and centered-ness grow. and freedom takes wings and flies them.
and oh yea.... for some women, the journey may include some physical changes and discomforts, but drug stores sell lubricants, and hot tubs do wonders for backaches and while some women find it harder to have an orgasm, there's more time to practice and possibly less awkwardness and shame at this stage of life; and meanwhile, other women may find this time in life to be the first time they have an orgasm, or multiple orgasms. who knew?!
and sometimes, what we think we should expect is what we expect and experience. so be careful what we let ourselves expect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
me...? i'm expecting my wings to grow even bigger.
No comments:
Post a Comment